Password reset

I recently changed my password at work.  This is not new; i have to do it every couple of months, but they have set new rules that I cannot use the same string of letters or numbers to start or end the password as my previous 6 passwords.  Buggers!   This irks me because I honestly do not have enough space in my brain to remember the amount of passwords in my life, especially not if they now have to be completely unique. 

So, I had to come up with a new one and i decided to type in something like "Iamnotbusy...."

I have to type this password multiple times a day and everytime i do, it literally resets me.  I have been ready for a change in my life, but this password change has been such a literal reminder for me that I have to take a break for myself. 

The past few years I feel like I have been surviving my life, just barely going through the motions, rather than living it.  I hardly ever slept because I felt like I was supposed to be catching up on something.  I ate horribly and never worked out - which were undoubtedly related to the fact that I have been surviving on only a few hours of sleep at night.  I was constantly running but getting nowhere.  I wasn't happy. This is not the way to live life.

Maybe it just comes with the territory -I work full time and have two young kids. Life is busy; I manage a lot and have to somehow balance it all in a day that is confined to 24 hours. Or maybe this pattern of behaviors spiraled out of control when carolyn started missing so much school last year (over 65 days in one year); those translate into a lot of missed days at work for me, not to mention the amount of pervasive worry that came with that phase of life.  While her health/functioning is not close to being back to normal, it is not as nearly as unknown and unpredictable as it was last year, so we are coming to terms with the idea that it may not be something we can fix completely, and it may be something that is a chronic part of her life.  That is a lot to swallow, but at least her problems are relatively minor health conditions, and not something worse.

Ok.  back to me - because that is really what this post is all about!

Since changing my password last month, I have started to transform my life.   The biggest change has been that I have slept.  In my bed for more than a few consecutive hours a night.  It has been glorious.  I also started to exercise again, and oh how life changes when you sleep and work your body a bit.  In general, I am back among the living, and I cannot believe how different I feel.  This is what life should feel like.  The world is a bit brighter.  Problems are not nearly as difficult to manage.  Laughter is actually something I enjoy to hear.  And forget about those to do lists, they will get done eventually.  I can't do them all today!

I admit, I am a perfectionist and demand a lot from myself.  That will never change. But I am ready to give myself a bit of break, so that I can start living life, rather than just surviving it.  Maybe the fact that I am approaching a new decade of life has also been one of the motivating reasons that set me on this new path.  I cannot allow myself to start this next phase of life with the poor health behaviors I have had the past few years.....

As evidence that I have made a change, here is a photo of me at an exercise class with some friends.  We were celebrating carries 40th birthday that morning, which explains the pink tutu.  Oh, and last night, I just booked a week long trip to maui with these ladies in july!  

My life is rich in every possible way - and I am so thankful that I have begun to live it again. 

Aquarium

I took a few kids to the aquarium last weekend.  We were treated to some up-close encounters from the turtle and ray.

Day of the Dead

In all honesty, I am not entirely sure what the holiday is all about, but it seems to have become the next trendy party for the fall season.  This year, we decided to paint our faces for the party -- only to find out that the party hosts had hired a real face painter.  You can compare our home-made paints to some of the professionally done ones.  I love that Lizzie was given a Frida Kahlo uni-brow, and that Steve's interpretation of a skull included a bandit mask.  I hope we have not broken some sort of sacred cultural traditions by posting our skull photos. Perhaps before next fall, I should look up what the holiday is all about.

Family Road Trip -- Colorado

A few weeks ago, I was on "fall break," Carolyn's school had some sort of teacher work days, and Steve had a work-trip in Denver.  So, off we went on a road trip.  We left around noon on Wednesday and did very little planning ahead of time.  We went wherever we went each day, making sure that Steve was in Denver for his meeting on Friday and that we were back before we had school/work the following Monday.

The first day we made it to Glenwood Springs, Colorado.  We picked a hotel with an indoor pool and slide.  Of course, the girls were happy there and did not want to leave.

On Thursday morning, we woke up and went swimming again, and then did a hike to Hanging Lake.  Carolyn said it was the hardest hike that she has ever done, but also the funnest.  The lake and waterfalls at the top were pretty spectacular.  The  pictures do not do it justice.

Both girls took long naps and rested their bodies after the hike, as we drove on toward Denver.  We stopped in Idaho Falls for some much needed food, and arrived in Denver late that evening. On Friday morning, Steve woke up early and went to his meeting, while the girls and I slept in, watched cartoons in the hotel, and ate some of the best vietnamese food I have ever had. We met steve after lunch and enjoyed the afternoon at the Denver Children's Museum.

Next stop - another new hotel in the Denver area, which was close to one of the best playgrounds we have been to.  Steve and Carolyn made a new friend and created some epic obstacle courses and races around the playground.  They were fiercely athletic, while Elizabeth, on the other hand, was scared of the swings and was her normal self as she very cautiously explored the playground.  A dinner of tapas and movies at the hotel completed our day.

On Saturday, we drove to Steamboat Springs.  After an initial stop at the biggest liquor store we could find (from Utah, you have to stock up on good beers when you are road-tripping to another state) and after we stopped a few times to find the reddest and purple-est leaves we could find, we settled in for a beautiful fall drive through the middle of nowhere.  Our next detour was to see the continental divide.  The road up there was super steep, with no barriers at all.  Kind of unnerving.  I am glad I was not the driver then.  At one point, we turned a corner and went through a little town where there was a wood carver.  I said, "I think the 'little house' needs a carved wooden bear."  (Because everyone that has a cabin out here has a carved wooden bear there - our cabin just happens to be 30 feet out our back door!)  Steve agreed and immediately turned around the car.  Carolyn got to pick out the one that she liked, and when Lizzie woke up and saw him, she named him "Buddy Bear."  It was a fun spontaneous family moment, and now we have a 3" bear on the porch of the little house.  When we arrived in Steamboat, we checked into a big resort, where we enjoyed the outdoor pool and hot tub and then went downtown for some pizza and beer.

On Sunday, we woke up and spent the morning at Strawberry Hot Springs.  Such a cool, unique place.  I did not bring a camera, but found some photos around the internet.  It is a natural hot spring with multiple soaking pools of varying temperatures.  The final pool at the end is fed by the river, so it is ice cold.  We all took turns taking a dip in the cool pool and then going back to the hot pools.

Back into the car.  And, after a few more hours of driving in the middle of nowhere, we arrived at Dinosaur National Monument in Vernal Utah.  This place is totally out of the way, but it was so interesting to see how many dinosaur fossils were there in one place.  I am glad we chose to drive home this way.  Seeing this totally puts life into perspective -- life as we know it today is such a small blip on the radar screen of history!

We finally arrived home late Sunday night, after a few additional stops to see some other sites like the Pinnacles.   I am impressed with how well the girls traveled.  They were excellent in the car and rarely ever crabbed, despite multiple hours in the car each day.  I am also impressed with how well Steve and I did with this trip.  No plans.  We just did and went wherever we chose each day.  And, we got to see some pretty spectacular scenery.  We leave in a beautiful part of the country, and there are so many places to explore with such varied landscape.  We should do these types of roadtrips more often.  Doing it at the height of fall colors made it even more special.

Halloween 2014

Carolyn was Mona Lisa.  Elizabeth was Leonardo DaVinci.  This was Carolyn's idea; she came up with it nearly a year ago.  It was a pretty cool idea, even if none of their friends knew who they were.

Here is Lizzie sharing her thoughts about Halloween.

Earlier in the day, there was a party at each girl's school.  I was able to attend both.

Sisters

They love each other.